Rating: *
Review Date: 9/5/26
Cast: Simon Rhee, Phillip Rhee, Arlene Montano, Howard Jackson,
Mika Elkan, Gary Gayle
Wow. Where do you even begin with a film like this? Made by a couple of young USC film students without a script, it defies all explanation. The film opens with a young woman (Arlene Montano) being pursued by a group of men who use Bob & Doug McKenzie's "Great White North" call. And no, I'm not making that up. It's also impossible to tell if this is supposed to be funny or not. Anyway, she quickly dies at the hands of the bad guys and we cut to her grieving brother (Simon Rhee) who lives in the woods. He gets summoned by his master (Phillip Rhee) to investigate his sister's death by tracking down some weird Chinese pendants. But Master Chan turns out to be evil and is using Simon to unlock a door to the astral plane so that he can rule the universe. Or something. Like the rest of the film, it's not clear what's actually going on. Simon ultimately prevails, and the spirit of his sister drags Chan into the afterlife, leaving only a burning skeleton behind.
The amount of ineptitude on display in the film is staggering, and it was clearly made with no budget (and no script) at all. It may have even been shot on Super8 film. There's hardly any dialog, and what little there is makes no sense. What's funny is that the marketing for the video proudly states "No dubbing!" even though it's clearly dubbed. I think the point is that it's English for English, as opposed to the usual English for Chinese dubbing that most martial arts movies in the 80s had. The film is full of random nonsense, including a sorcerer who turns people into chickens and then turns into a pig himself, weird robotic henchmen who might be aliens (which is hinted at on the box), an unexplained dragon that shows up in exactly one shot, an inexplicable new wave band playing at the villain's headquarters, a statue of Buddha that grants Simon a pair of golden sais that we never see again, and an uncomfortably long scene of two old women eating in a Chinese restaurant. The film is barely over an hour long, but it's still full of awkward padding.
Despite the mind-boggling incompetence that's on display in the film, it does have some things worth noting. Simon and Phillip Rhee are the real deal, and they really know how to fight. Simon's fight scenes are particularly noteworthy, and he clearly knows what he's doing. It's just unfortunate that most of his opponents can't match him. The fight between Simon and Gary Gayle is the highlight of the film and is actually very impressive. Simon's bouts with Howard Jackson are also well-executed, but tend to be overly soft. They also look like they're laughing while they're fighting, which spoils the effect. The scenes with Simon and Phillip fighting each other hit a lot harder, but the camera work is overly frustrating and fails to capture the impact of their work. Illusionist Mika Elkan is a goofy character, but it's interesting to see his sleight-of-hand tricks on film. The movie also includes a couple of impressive helicopter shots, which is surprising for a production that clearly had no money attached to it. While the film certainly has its charms, its complete lack of structure and incoherent direction make it impossible to recommend. For genre enthusiasts, curiosity seekers, and low budget film fans only.